Mr President, how many fake DGs can you chase?

How many fake agencies can the Tinubu Presidency go after at a time? When I posed this question in my column in early August, I intended it as rhetoric. The fake agencies and their operators apparently took it as a challenge. On Friday evening, the ICPC Chairman, Dr Musa Aliyu, SAN, emerged from his second meeting with the President in 48 hours to announce the discovery of yet another fake agency, grandly named the National Brands Development and Made-in-Nigeria Special Project Office and promoted by one Prince George Buchi Nwabueze. Side note: Because of the length of these agency names, I’ll refer to them by their promoters, who happen to be ‘Princes’. Say, Prince Adeyemi’s PFIFC or Prince George’s agency. Okay? So, I sat there among my colleagues, listening to Aliyu reel out another episode of an ongoing soap opera whose production studio is in the Nigerian civil service. We were arguably the first set of ears to get the gist, a privilege that comes with the burden of sharing it with the rest of the world.

Twenty-four hours earlier, I spotted the ICPC chairman making his way through the corridors leading to the President’s office for the umpteenth time. Aliyu had since become a standard feature at the State House since revelations about Prince Adeyemi’s fake agency, the Presidential Foreign Investment Promotion Council, first went public. Draped in a white agbada, Aliyu sounded fulfilled as he announced another big catch, Prince George. Unlike his counterpart in the PFIFC, Prince George did not settle for a spot in the Federal Secretariat. No! He operated from inside the Office of the Secretary to the Government of the Federation. He was also found to operate under at least five variations of his own name, which is fitting. A fake agency deserves a fake agency’s worth of aliases. The President ordered his immediate arrest and suspended three permanent secretaries: M.S. Danjuma, Nadungu Gagare and Richard Pheelangwah.

If you are keeping count, you would have counted six fake agencies or actors in the past few months. Four! First came Prince Adeyemi’s now-dissolved PFIFC. Then the ICPC’s interim report of August 6 unearthed two more: the FCT Investment Promotion Agency and the Foreign Investment Promotion Agency and Public-Private Partnership. There is also the Presidential Implementation Committee on the Alienation of Federal Government Properties, a body created in 2000 under Obasanjo to manage the sale and lease of federal landed assets. Though now dissolved, its erstwhile secretary, B.S. Dutsin-Ma, had continued operating. In early August, the Presidency directed him to cease acting on behalf of the committee and the Federal Government. Last September, the Presidency distanced itself from Mr Fegho Umunubo, an erstwhile Special Assistant on Digital and Creative Economy in the Vice President’s office, whom it warned was still acting in his old capacity despite being let go. Related News How ‘fake’ Made-in-Nigeria office penetrated states, foreign offices

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Now Prince George’s outfit makes six similar instances in under a year. At this rate, the fake agencies and actors may soon require their own coordinating ministry. And who knows if the next ‘Prince’ may be found operating from the Presidential Villa itself? Lest we think this plague is new, history says otherwise. You see, Nigeria has always had people who understood that in a country where government is everywhere, the most profitable business is to impersonate it. From the 1980s and 1990s, there are tales of fake recruitment syndicates selling appointment letters into the Army, Customs and NNPC from rented offices with convincing letterheads. Some past regimes responded with periodic raids, tribunals and occasional decrees. But the racket always reincarnates. Over the years, the ICPC and EFCC have busted fake job-racketeering “ministries” in Abuja that interviewed hundreds of applicants and collected “processing fees” for years before anyone really noticed. The sobering reality is that we have always chased the “Princes” one at a time. And there will always be another ‘Prince’ to sit on that throne.

Also, it is not uniquely a Nigerian thing. In California in 2015, authorities uncovered a self-declared “Masonic Fraternal Police Department”, a policing outfit with its own badges, uniforms and a website claiming a 3,000-year history. It was run by three “Princes” until the state of California charged them with impersonating officers. The difference is not that other countries breed fewer fraudsters than we do. It is that their systems make the fraud quite short-lived because the list of legitimate agencies is knowable by the public, leaving the fake ones to glow in the dark. Moreover, if government ministries, departments and agencies were fewer than they are now, there would be fewer hiding places for the fakes. Which brings me, once again, to one document still gathering dust on the President’s desk: the Oronsaye report. Commissioned in 2011 and submitted in 2012, Steve Oronsaye’s committee found 541 federal parastatals, commissions and agencies and recommended pruning them to about 263. It recommended mergers, scrapping, subsuming and anything else that could shrink that number. To his credit, President Tinubu revived it in February 2024, ordering full implementation. Two and a half years later, however, the rathole of redundant agencies has only widened, and now fake ones are camouflaging among the real ones. Implementing Oronsaye would arguably leave fewer agencies with clearer supervision and a slimmer cost of governance. Again, it is not a silver bullet. Matter of fact, the report is 14 years old; some recommendations would need fresh legislation. But why chase rats one by one when we can fumigate the entire network of holes? While the ICPC is hunting “Princes”, President Tinubu is assembling his Avengers. According to the APC Presidential Campaign Council list the Presidency released on Saturday morning, Tinubu will sit as chairman; Vice President Kashim Shettima and party chairman Nentawe Yilwatda will co-chair the council. Ex-Zamfara governor Abdulaziz Yari will serve as DG, and Hope Uzodimma, still fresh from surviving the storm that rocked the Progressives Governors’ Forum months ago, will serve as secretary. Senate President Godswill Akpabio, Speaker Abbas and Governor Buni will serve as zonal heads; Oshiomhole will head mobilisation, while James Faleke will return to his 2022 role in election planning.

The media directorate already looks like a special-purpose media house of its own. Information Minister Mohammed Idris will coordinate alongside Dr Dele Alake, Bayo Onanuga, Issa-Onilu, Mr Tunde Rahman, Dr Sunday Dare, Daniel Bwala and Felix Morka.

Stephen Angbulu With three years of experience, Stephen, The PUNCH correspondent, has been covering Nigeria’s presidency, politics, security, immigration and trafficking in persons